HELP MY UNBELIEF

Most of us believe or want to believe in something. We’d  like to believe in miracles, to believe that God thinks we’re special, to believe that good things are on their way to us. I want to believe, I do believe. I’ve learned to be happy in life a person must be optimistic, that’s one of the aspects of faith. Study after study in my field of sociology confirm the essential of optimism for a satisfying life. Most of us have experienced at least an inkling of beauty, joy, rapture, transfixed by the vastness of nature  and the endless possibilities of life. Most of us would concur, “I believe in something greater, something  more astounding than me, something I am a part of, that I belong to. I want so much for justice to triumph, I believe it’s possible, I believe it will happen.

However, there is the other side of the coin. I see suffering, I feel the uncaring, I feel the “me-first” attitude of many people and I doubt. The doubts invariably creep in…nobody seems to care. But I want to believe, I can’t feel good about myself, my life, the world’s life without believing in at least the possibility of a better world. I desperately want to believe in something better, something that gives meaning to life and a goal to existence.

Like most of you, I have those times when things are going well, I’m happy. It’s easy to be optimistic, to believe but then… you know what happens…I guess that’s why I was so impressed by a little passage in the Bible  found at Mark 9:24. A father of a suffering little boy confessed to Jesus, “ I believe, help my unbelief.” When I read that I realized that man, that father, said in 5 words what it would take me pages to say if I weren’t in tune to his perception. He said it all, “ I believe, I want to believe in miracles, believe that something good is on the way , but there is a part of me that has doubts, help that part of me to believe.” I love that honesty.

A little background might help here. In this Bible passage we read the eye witness account of a man, a father, confronting Jesus. The father’s son has been suffering with various ailments for years. He asks Jesus if he could help in some way. Jesus responds, “ If I can? What do you mean, ‘If I can,’ all things are possible for those who believe.” This is where the father retorts, “ I believe, help my unbelief.” In other words, I believe but there is a part of me that says it’s too good to be true, that you couldn’t  possibly help with my son’s ailments. I can’t hardly dare to belief and get me hopes  up and be disappointed but I do believe, I want to believe. Help my unbelief, my disbelief. Help that little part of me that can’t seem to believe for fear I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t come true. Help me with that Jesus.

That ambivalence describes everyone of  us at times. I personally struggle with why people around me and worldwide suffer and yet why do I deserve to have life so good, will it continue? That’s unbelief. Then I, when I catch myself thinking negatively have to say, “stop…stop it!  I believe but Lord help me  with the doubting part of me. Help me to dream  dreams that are seemingly impossible. I know life is not worth living without dreams and dreams can’t float, can’t be animated without the faith, the belief, the assurance they’re possible.  So much of life is improbable but it turns out with persistent believe and effort to be probable after all, and only  then crystallizes into reality.” I find I have to repeat this prayer or affirmation often to control my attitude.

Do we understand ourselves as well as the father in this story seemed to understand himself? as we be as  honest with  ourselves?  Our friend here makes a statement about his feelings that I believe is true for most of us. I know it’s true for me.  I believe, I want to believe, to believe in the resolution of all evil and suffering, to believe I have a true worth, to believe someone cares for me unconditionally, to believe I have a purpose, I’m going to accomplish something with my life, to believe when all is send and done I can be proud of where I was and am. I know if we’re truly  honest with ourselves we all want at least that much, but there is that unbelief that creeps in. I admire this  guy who could admit in public, and then for millions to read, the predicament he was in and what each of us contends with.

I unbelieve in God at times, I unbelieve in myself at times, I feel “what’s the use” at times. I feel the world will never be transformed into a better environment for living at time.  I don’t want that, I can’t be happy feeling that way all the time. The speaker said it so succinctly. I have groped for his words at times, “Help my unbelief,” so simple yet so profound, a universal human sentiment, as big as the universe yet so simply expressed in 3 words. I really learned something about my own life when I first read those 3 words  or 5 words actually, “I believe, help my unbelief.” After hearing the father’s confession, I could exclaim, “ I’m not alone, I’m human with those feelings of doubt, though I’d rather not admit in public like this guy did. But it does give me solace to know he put in a few words what I found  hard to verbalize.  He asked for help to believe in possibilities, inspiring possibilities. Dreams can’t come true if we refuse to allow them to incubate.”

The beauty of Christianity is the sheer honesty expressed by contributors to the Bible. “ I’m weak, I can’t do it all alone, I need help but I’m ashamed to have to admit it. Help my unbelief.” Every Bible writer, hundreds of them who told their own stories confessed the same, “ I believe but at times I don’t believe. Moses said in effect in Exodus, “ I believe we Israelites can be a free people and come out of Egypt emerging as a new nation, but I can’t believe you want me to be the leader of this multitude  out of bondage.” Jonah, the prophet, exclaimed in effect in the book of Jonah, “ I believe that you, God, care about people but I can’t believe that people will ever change so what’s the use of trying to preach to them. I believe in you but I can’t believe in people, that they will change.” I could go on and on with biblical examples. They didn’t say it in so many words but their actions belied their disbelief. Even the apostles begged  Jesus, ”Give us more faith.” ( Luke 17:5 )  Daily I have to remind myself to believe, to believe in something , believe that good will come of my life today. I must affirm like King David, “ I am CONFIDENT of this, that I will still SEE GOOD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING.”( Psalm 27:13) ( His words have story of their own that I hope I can relate to you another time.  In other words, while I still live in this world, it’s all going to work out well for me even now, even with all the problems I’m having. I’m going to feel it was worth the suffering, good will come of my life. I believe all that but there are times I have a hard time, God, help my  unbelief.” I hope you can relate, but living continually in doubt is not.  We need to remind ourselves of that and keep asking our Lord for more faith.  I can affirm, now,  I know in this moment that you, my friends, have many  more exciting prospects to look forward to in this world just as David was convinced.  I pray that God helps you in your unbelief and leads you to believe good will come for your efforts and God’s purpose for all will come to fruition.